Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
