Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
