sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
