It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
