erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
