if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
