omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
