Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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