Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
