Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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