My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
