we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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