Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
