; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish my penis had an off switch
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
