i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
