Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
