I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
