week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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