bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got inside last night via doggy door
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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