my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
