I need help removing her.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
