i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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