now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
