Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
