Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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