My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
