Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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