What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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