What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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