Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
