can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Your cock deserves a montage
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
