Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
pray to the hookup gods
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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