my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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