Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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