At least make sure they are 18
Why
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
