i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
