I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
