Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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