I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
