i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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