her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
where does the pee come out of this thing
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
