On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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