Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Green mimosas i think yes
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
