Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
