I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
