I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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