I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
