i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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