This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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