It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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