Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
