i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
