Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
please come you make the beer taste better
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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