he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
