Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
