Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
