9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
