And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
