Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
