The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
