everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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