I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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