i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
