Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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