My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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